Thursday, May 19, 2011

Stepping Forward Into Tomorrow

I've spent the last couple days reading a fascinating e-book called Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui. I don't know how much I buy into all that energy talk, but the clutter part I can totally identify with. I opened my desk at work today and realized I had about 30 pens in there. Also multiple notepads, staple removers, and massive quantities of paperclips. Why was I hanging on to all this stuff? The supply cupboard is only steps from my office.

Clutter clutters our mind. It slows us down. It depresses us. Have you ever noticed how much better you feel after scooping up all the dirty clothes from the bedroom floor and taking them to the laundry room?

I've still got about 300 (i-phone-sized) pages left to read. I'm not sure what that translates into book-sized pages, but I don't think it's very many. I'm sure I'll finish it tomorrow.

I definitely recommend this book. It's helped me see how much keeping things that I didn't love was weighing down on me emotionally. I've had these broken-down old chairs in my kitchen for 10 years because they were a graduation gift from my dad. I've felt guilty because I couldn't fix them despite trying, and I didn't really like sitting in them because they were too hard. I've been keeping them because I wanted to want them. I wanted to be better for the new life that they were purchased for.

I've finally realized that they're just holding me back, and that I'm not rejecting my dad's love by getting rid of them. The thing is, I'm never going to buy more comfortable chairs to sit in until the guilt of these ones are gone. And I have to remember, they're just things.

So... I put them up on craigslist. A lady is coming tomorrow to get them.

I want to get soft chairs. Chairs that I'll linger in. Chairs that will make me smile, not make me sad that I can't fix them. I want chairs that I'll be proud to entertain guests with. Chairs that we'll sit for hours around the table talking in.

I have hopes for my future. I just couldn't see it while I was wallowing in the muck of broken dreams. Those chairs should've been perfect. They represent college graduation. A new life. A new me. Instead I have a broken-down me. A sub-par apartment. Sub-par finances. But I will move on. Today is the first step towards clearing the clutter and stepping forward into tomorrow.

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